i still wish i was a dancer

on friday i got to live out a sort of dream.. kyle and i did a photo shoot together.  me as the subject, him as the photographer.  he is pretty amazing at what he does.  i brought all of my dance stuff to school with me so i had a bunch of outfit ideas and we found the sweetest location right on the river.  most of the leaves are off the trees now.  everything is looking so bare, but it's still so beautiful with all the leaves on the ground.  luckily it was SUCH beautiful day. the sun was bright and it was pretty warm. warm enough that i didn't even feel cold in just my body suit and tights.  i wore my pointe shoes and i had all kinds of mixed feelings about it.  i love dancing.  but i feel sad when i do because all i can think about is how much better i could have been if i had kept doing it.  and the more time that passes, the less of a dancer i become. that is so sad.  dance is unlike many other art forms. it's not like being a musician.  it's not like being a painter.  it is an art form that depends entirely on your body.  which is amazing but also difficult.  especially since my body is pretty unreliable.  and i don't like the way i look most of the time.  to dance you need flexibility, strength, poise, grace.  and those are all things that can leave over time.  those are all things that require practice and training.  so what happens when i'm old and i want to dance?  i suppose i will always be able to dance, just not as well as i would like to.. and i suppose i will just have to deal with that fact. and get over my disappointment with the whole thing.  aside from all of these feelings.  the pictures turned out great... i didn't enjoy the whole process as much as i would have liked..  kyle gets super intense when he's behind the camera and gives almost no feedback. so i really had no idea if i looked awful, or if the pictures were turning out really well.  most of them were pretty good. there are some that i love.  there were a lot that i was disappointed in and extremely unimpressed by the the way i looked..  but.. other than that. it was really awesome.   i got to wear a tutu and everything!