forced vegetarianism

It’s nearly midnight on Tuesday and I am doing my best to fall asleep. I have developed a daily routine at night here in Hyderabad that consists of nearly killing myself by doing a p90x workout and then attempting to recover and sleep minutes later. It doesn’t really work. The heat here is almost unbearable. But still not as bad as Tanzania… it’s dry heat. I sleep with a bucket of water beside my bed so that I can consistenly wet and cover myself with a kanga through the night. It is impossible to sleep otherwise. India isn’t exactly my favorite place to be…

I’ve never been in a more religiously consumed and confused place before. Everyone believes in and worships something and it feels like it is hardly ever about a relationship. I hate religion. Especially when it becomes about rituals and good acts or deeds so that you can ‘win’ your way into heaven or get on the gods’ good side so you will later be rewarded. We live in a catholic hostel of sorts and it’s right beside this huge cathedral. Idolatry seems to be so deeply ingrained into this culture that it permeates every belief system. Even (or maybe especially) Catholicism and Christianity. Our building is filled with Mary and Jesus shrines and other weird idols that greet you at the beginning of hallways and the tops of stairs. Outside there is a small patch of grass (the only one I’ve seen in Hyderabad so far) that surrounds a mary shrine that stays well lit with candles at nighttime and where you frequently see people praying. There are two other mary shrines complete with fluorescent lights and signs saying things like, “The more you honor me, the more I will bless you.” Yuck… India is all religioned out. And I feel the weight of it. Religion is exhausting and frustrating and leaves one feeling inadequate and lowly. Like you can never quite match up to the standard set for you –the rules and laws that determine your eligibility to heaven or the equivilant.  People work so hard here to achieve honor and blessing in their lives by performing all of the correct rituals and doing all of their good deeds. How grueling and exhausting is that??

I miss eating and enjoying beef and red meat. Or just meat in general... I have unwillingly become a vegetarian. And all, sort of, in the name of religion.

p.s right after I finished writing this the power went out. Actually, my power cord fell into my roommates bucket of water by her bed and we blew a fuse. To say the very least, we did not sleep.